Ixnay on the Ed Bullray...

This past Friday evening, I took a cab with my friend Sameer from Libertine to Parlor around 1:00am. This was stupid because, generally speaking, most places in LA, including Parlor, stop letting people in around 1. In any event, Sameer's roommate was there, so it was a trip we had to take to meet up with him. I had never met the roommate before. If you tied his arms to a tree branch and drew and quartered him for 3 hours, he might pass for 5'5'' but I think I'm being generous. If you threw him in the pool before weighing him, he might pass for 125 lbs. The point here being he is not a threatening presence by any stretch of the imagination. Sameer and I get out of the cab and immediately there is this ultra-aggressive presence before me. I was sporting a Dodger cap and this self-proclaimed Los Angeles "gatekeeper" confronts me by asking in an almost offended manner, "Why you wearin' that cap, brah?" "What do you mean?," I ask. "You a fan or something?" "Yes," I say. "Oh, okay." And then he moves on. What the hell is that? I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on in this douchebag's head. Apparently with his Jack and Cokes he also downed a serious dose of LA pride and testosterone because he was looking to pick a fight with anyone who had anything negative to say about the City of Angels. Unfortunately for Sameer's roommate, it was him on this night. The poor kid was discussing with a friend how he preferred New York to LA. I don't particularly agree with the opinion, but a crime it is not to express it. Now the roommate was unaware that the guardian was on the prowl. The guardian overhears the conversation and approaches. "You got a problem with LA?" "It's no New York," was the reply he got. That apparently constituted provocation to this lunatic because he wound up and socked Sameer's roommate across the jaw, tackled him and a brawl ensued that had to be broken up by security. Now, I've seen people fight before over some pretty stupid shit, but I have to say this was by far the most retarded. The aggressor in this case was over 6 feet tall. He punched a puny little guy in the face over what he deemed to be an affront to his city. He almost started with me over wearing a Dodger hat, presuming that I wore it specifically to mock him and his love for LA. No amount of alcohol can explain this bizarre behavior. This is the result of severe mental imbalance, severe insecurity and just downright stupidity. Mr. Gatekeeper of Los Angeles, please stay in your cage this coming weekend. I'd hate to see how you'd react to a 5 year old wearing a Laker jersey. I'll bet his mother dressed him in it just to mock your man-love for Kobe. Your insanity is unrivaled my confused friend. You're gunna spin right off this planet. Keep up the good work.